Happy 1st anniversary, Tony and Eva
Web Posted: 07/07/2008 02:16 AM CDT
Express-News
One would think that Eva and Tony — she of TV’s “Desperate Housewives” and he the three-time world champ Spurs B-baller — lack for nada as the Alamo City’s most famous couple revel in their first wedding anniversary today. That’s the one that traditionally begets gifts made of paper.
Paper? Yes, paper — hardly a reason to stay hitched for a whole year, huh? No wonder so many celeb couples don’t manage to stay together that long. But Eva ’n’ Tony seem as happy as the day they exchanged vows in a Paris church, followed by a star-studded bash at a centuries-old chateau.
Here at Party Central (my third-floor desk in downtown San Antonio), I have come up with a few presents for the duo as they reportedly float on a love boat somewhere near the South of France — a romantic cruise no doubt filled with morning kisses, afternoon swims and candlelit dinners.
I wanted to personally congratulate the couple, but Eva’s publicist, Liza Anderson, told me they are “unreachable” and that “the lovebirds are in their own little world right now!” Isn’t that just too sweet?
So when they return to this world in a week or so, here are five paper-anniversary gifts I’d like to offer the young couple.
Papel picado: This is a Mexican art form that means “pierced paper” and is created to celebrate holidays and special occasions. Ours would feature a cutout of Eva and Tony on each end of their first wedding anniversary banner, holding the declaration: “Eva Lasting Love.”
Paperback sex writer: We doubt that after a year of wedded bliss studly Tony and sizzling Eva need help in keeping the marriage spark alive. But just in case, we recommend the boudoir book “365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy,” " by Charla Muller, who writes about a full year of nightly scheduled sex with her hubby, Brad. Sounds exhausting, but we’re sure that T&E are up to the task.
Papier-mâché for your thoughts: A piñata in the shape of the NBA trophy would serve as a reminder, Tony, that you’ve gotta get your fourth ring next year. That would really be “un-bee-leave-a-bull!!!!!”
Paper chase: Eva, dah-ling, after seeing your starring flick “Over Her Dead Body,” we prayed that your movie career wasn’t ... well ... dead in the water. Honey, that script wasn’t worth the paper it was written — make that doodled — on. You deserve (and should demand) better scripts. Gabrielle Solis would.
Get it on paper: We know that the Parkers eventually will get preggers — they have talked about starting a family one day. And what gorgeous babies they’ll produce. Your fans (and who isn’t a fan?) are desperate for a birth certificate that would satisfy everyone’s desire for a baby Eva or a Tony tyke. Hey, how about two birth certificates? After all, we’ve heard that twins are the latest thing in celeb-land. Just ask J. Lo and Brangelina.
